Ok ok, so I know, I haven't been around in about 10 whole months of Sundays...and *someone* has been telling me for quite a while now that I need to update my blog...Ok so between my new job as a Cardiac Surgery Research Coordinator (moving on up!), a very BUSY summer (summer school, guests at home damn near every other weekend, and traveling, I can honestly say that blogging was the last thing on a sister's mind. The people closest to me knew enough of everything that was going on in my life... But anyways, I'm back, like crack...Ok no, maybe that's not the best thing to compare myself to, even though I am addictive and someone once accused me of ruining their life...damn. That's a fucked up thing to say though. Ok so maybe the comparison fit to a certain degree. LOL.
Not.
Moving right along ---------------*moving*----------------------> Your girl has been nurturing, cherishing, embracing, loving, adoring a new love...Actually it was a love that's been there for a while, but for some reason, I've done everything in my power not to fall...And I fell. The beautiful thing about it is, that he was there to catch me and return the nurturing, cherishing, embracing, loving and adoring. So yay @ love. Pure Love. Unconditional Love. It's amazing how love forces you to see things about urself though, and I can honestly say that this has been the hardest task so far. Perspective. Self-Assessment. Self-Realization. Perception. These are things that we don't always think about...Love changes people. Whether good or bad, love has the ability, the power to change you as a person. I remember that a few years ago, I always waited for the evil, highly anticipated but feared :
OTHER SHOE TO DROP!!!!
So I never opened up completely, always stayed guarded with my thoughts, my feelings, my heart...Just in case something extremely bad happened. When things were great, I used caution in expressing my excitement, my happiness, my joy, just to prepare myself for the eventuality of a relationship disaster. It's crazy how we program ourselves not to fully embrace greatness & happiness, and what this says about us as people. Being so guarded and fearful in the past has forced me to come to a realization; I told myself the other day : "Self, do u know that all but one of ur exes got to know the real you?" Scary shit... Imagine being with someone who is scared to fully open up to you, to tell you what their thoughts, feelings and emotions are, even when things are good...That's not healthy.
Right now though, I can proudly say that that I don't wait for the other shoe anymore...I have learned to live in the moment. So when I'm happy he knows...When I'm mad he knows... When I'm sad he knows. He knows. I'm not afraid anymore, it feels like a tremendous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It feels great. And this not only applies to my relationship, but it applies to my life in general...Shit, all my life I've described myself as outspoken, when in reality I only became outspoken when the other shoe actually DID drop. You know, when I was so broken that to me there was actually nothing left to lose, I expressed myself so naturally and freel. I no longer hold back thoughts, feelings and emotions that have the potential to make a difference and it's oh so therapeutic. I'm not only talking about negative thoughts either. I know now that whoever is in my life and currently loving me (friends, fam, man, etc...) is loving me for ME! Flaws and all. Try it. You'll love it!
xoxo
I've had that issue in the past too, it's almost as if we believe things can't be as good as they are. Maybe because so much bad happens in the world or has happened in the past, to compensate for past hurt feelings we don't allow ourselves to get too excited. The problem with that is the fact that we don't allow ourselves to enjoy things as much as we should. Glad you've changed that about yourself...now I know where to go for help to get past those habits myself.
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