Whew Lawd...I never ever thought I'd see the day where I'd blog about certain hazards. But, in light of a recent event that occurred in my life, it is a must that I do so, simply because, if I don't do it now, I may not live to warn y'all about this phenomenon. Now I usually exercise caution with most things I do in life...I am very observant by nature, and I am pretty good at detecting warning signs for potential complications and "mishaps", (spoken like a true nurse...awww!) but I did not see this one coming at all. This blog entry will be about something serious, something I'd like to refer to as:
HAZARDOUS SEX
A little while ago, I was in a bedroom just minding my business, when my bf walked in and gave me that "look"...the look that says it all, followed by the wink & the gun, wink wink, tongue click and 2 thumbs up. Next thing u know, my clothes were coming off, like "Oops! Oh my!" and we were getting it in. Switch positions, it's now him on top, putting in major work. Everything felt real good, our bodies were doing all the talking, reacting, responding, synchronizing needed for the cause. Then the bed started moving. But he's on top, and if I'm paying attention to everything, then I figure, he should be doing the same thing, right? I mean it's only fair. Right??!
Wrong! I keep forgetting that men do not think like women do, and that most of them can seemingly only focus on one task at a time. So back to this moving bed, with the motion created by the "ocean" it appeared that the bed moved 2 feet away from the wall...and from the headboard. Ok so it was my fault that the headboard was not screwed in properly, but that's not the issue here. I dunno what got into us, but the "motion" increased in intensity and right as I decided to allow myself to lose focus for one minute and close my eyes while biting my bottom lip, the headboard fell on my head. Ouch!
You'd think he'd stop for a minute, but noooo, he got about 5 deep thrusts in before he realized that I had been "assaulted" by a wooden headboard. He was focused, man! Eventually, I guess he had to stop to make sure he wasn't smashing a dead woman, but once he realized I was still breathing and still had a pulse he burst out in a laughter...It was a rather nervous laughter, but still, a laughter, followed by a "Damnn babe, r u ok??" My response was a *blank effin stare + side eye of death*
I swear for 3 seconds, all I saw was darkness...Those were the longest 3 seconds of my life lol. Can you imagine going to the hospital and have cause of blindness : "bang-a-thon" in my medical record?? Not a good look at all.
So I decided to come up with a few tips to prevent u all from being the next victim of hazardous relations.
1) Make sure the headboard is properly fixed to the rest of the bed
2) If the heaboard isn't attached properly, have extra pillows to put over ur head and face when the relations get more intense...Just in case! (Im sure some of y'all won't mind not looking at ur boo's ugly ass fuck faces anyway!) LOL
3) If u r fucking on a bed and it starts moving, get off the bed and fuck on the floor instead. Be
adventurous! (have tylenol extra skrenff to treat the back and knee pain after the sexcapades!)
4) Have a flashlight nearby. In case a headboard falls on ur boo's dome, flash the light into their eyes and make sure that the pupils are round and equally reacting to the light. This will quickly assess nerve damage (providing ur boo doesn't already have some kind of nerve damages). This is a VERY BASIC, but useful exam.
5) I've heard about physical injuries as well (like a dislocated shoulder following a swift kick to the shoulder when she came, locked jaws, leg cramps, etc...) So be attentive to what ur lover tells u but also to what they are not telling you. Some are very sneaky lol.
6) Drink some water! It's not a good look when u pass out from dehydration and exhaustion.
7) Have some back up lube just in case!...Friction rub is painful to both lovers!
8) Last but not least, practice safe sex (or as safe as can be if u r in a long-term, committed relationship)
I hope I was able to help a few! But whatever u decide to do, have fun with it!
Toodles!
xoxo
rofl!!!
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